Searching For Spirituality
When you think of spirituality, some form of religion comes into mind. Like others, I too endured my quest in finding the meaning of my existence. Born into a Catholic family, I accepted my religion during which I attended a private Catholic school. My innocence turned into confusion upon the confrontations of a mentally abusive first grade teacher. Words of rage erupted from her thin lips which formed into a satisfied smirk upon the watching me cry. Nobody could help me. I was alone with this monster. Why was God allowing this to happen within his own walls? Matters at home didn't help either since my parents didn't get along.
I turned to Heavy Metal music for comfort and soon discovered the theme of witchcraft within its lyrics. Despite the interesting lyrical content of Heavy Metal artists, I figured I'd give religion one more try. A few years after the verbally abusive encounters from my Catholic teacher, I joined a Christian after school program at the recommendation of a friend. I was yet once again confronted by an irate adult in the form of a pastor who'd yell in my face over the fact that he thought that I wasn't allowing God into my heart.
"Do you feel anything?", he'd yell.
"Like what?", I'd reply
"God!"
"I guess."
Frustrated, he kicked me out of his office and eventually left me stranded weeks later -14 miles away from home during a Christian Faith outing. This forced me to call my parents to pick me up and take me home. I was done with religion and began reading about occultism. The mood was similar to Heavy Metal music with its imagery and colors. Nobody could discriminate or yell at me. The idea of spending eternity in hell didn't seem much different than the realities I'd endured up until that point.
By my early twenties, I began reading books by H.P. Lovecraft and Charles Darwin. Their unique blend of words and ideas formed poetic landscapes however, I wasn't 100% certain about what they were talking about most of the time. I just liked reading their words. I eventually began reading about Rastafarianism and other forms of religion just to try and understand spirituality on a global level. I discovered that the philosophies of Buddhism opened up the idea of spirituality beyond what I'd ever known. The book which rang truest to my spirituality the most was the Tao Te Ching. As antiquated as most religions are today, I find it ironic that a book which dates back to 4th Century BC could be so relevant today. Taoism didn't discriminate against me. I didn't have to appear or act a certain way. Nobody would scream in my face over not feeling anything. This eventually led me to the teachings of Osho. I understand that Osho's people were considered a cult, however, I'd already made up my mind that I'm an individualist and a harmless moralist. As mentioned before, you won't find me chanting and living in a fairy tale inspired utopian garden. I'm 100% California pop culture in person and will not change who I am.
Some people have found the fact that I studied questionable religions disturbing. They were judging me. Rastafarianism? Buddhism? Yes. As a result, I've become more empathetic towards others. Judgement aside, what matters most is that I've learned from each and every one of them. I've chosen the best ingredients from each of them and put them into what I call my "Spiritual Potpourri".
I am a dedicated subscriber to "no" religion. In order to be devoted to any religion, you must obey it within the confines of its front and back book covers. If I didn't abide by its laws, then I'd be a hypocrite. As an individualist, book covers are limiting to my spirituality because for me, spirituality has no boundaries. Like the aforementioned abusive adults in my childhood, I've chosen what not to believe from my religious studies. As mentioned before, I've taken the best elements from each or perhaps the most inspirational philosophies in order to become well rounded as a person.
In conclusion, I've become non-discriminatory against people. If I were discriminatory, then surely I'd be abusive towards others different than me. This is against my purpose. I've corrected my path. I've learned from our mistakes. As a result, I'm a harmless moralist.
I turned to Heavy Metal music for comfort and soon discovered the theme of witchcraft within its lyrics. Despite the interesting lyrical content of Heavy Metal artists, I figured I'd give religion one more try. A few years after the verbally abusive encounters from my Catholic teacher, I joined a Christian after school program at the recommendation of a friend. I was yet once again confronted by an irate adult in the form of a pastor who'd yell in my face over the fact that he thought that I wasn't allowing God into my heart.
"Do you feel anything?", he'd yell.
"Like what?", I'd reply
"God!"
"I guess."
Frustrated, he kicked me out of his office and eventually left me stranded weeks later -14 miles away from home during a Christian Faith outing. This forced me to call my parents to pick me up and take me home. I was done with religion and began reading about occultism. The mood was similar to Heavy Metal music with its imagery and colors. Nobody could discriminate or yell at me. The idea of spending eternity in hell didn't seem much different than the realities I'd endured up until that point.
By my early twenties, I began reading books by H.P. Lovecraft and Charles Darwin. Their unique blend of words and ideas formed poetic landscapes however, I wasn't 100% certain about what they were talking about most of the time. I just liked reading their words. I eventually began reading about Rastafarianism and other forms of religion just to try and understand spirituality on a global level. I discovered that the philosophies of Buddhism opened up the idea of spirituality beyond what I'd ever known. The book which rang truest to my spirituality the most was the Tao Te Ching. As antiquated as most religions are today, I find it ironic that a book which dates back to 4th Century BC could be so relevant today. Taoism didn't discriminate against me. I didn't have to appear or act a certain way. Nobody would scream in my face over not feeling anything. This eventually led me to the teachings of Osho. I understand that Osho's people were considered a cult, however, I'd already made up my mind that I'm an individualist and a harmless moralist. As mentioned before, you won't find me chanting and living in a fairy tale inspired utopian garden. I'm 100% California pop culture in person and will not change who I am.
Some people have found the fact that I studied questionable religions disturbing. They were judging me. Rastafarianism? Buddhism? Yes. As a result, I've become more empathetic towards others. Judgement aside, what matters most is that I've learned from each and every one of them. I've chosen the best ingredients from each of them and put them into what I call my "Spiritual Potpourri".
I am a dedicated subscriber to "no" religion. In order to be devoted to any religion, you must obey it within the confines of its front and back book covers. If I didn't abide by its laws, then I'd be a hypocrite. As an individualist, book covers are limiting to my spirituality because for me, spirituality has no boundaries. Like the aforementioned abusive adults in my childhood, I've chosen what not to believe from my religious studies. As mentioned before, I've taken the best elements from each or perhaps the most inspirational philosophies in order to become well rounded as a person.
In conclusion, I've become non-discriminatory against people. If I were discriminatory, then surely I'd be abusive towards others different than me. This is against my purpose. I've corrected my path. I've learned from our mistakes. As a result, I'm a harmless moralist.
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